请问我这样说对吗??/

不是很通顺哦....外国人不会这样写的.(而且要注意标点符号,使用不同符号可以令句子有不同意思哦)
以下是我的意见:
Hello! everybody. My name is Gary. I was born in Tianjing, however I am studying and living in foreign country now, which is a beautiful country. The people here are so nice and I hope I can get a nice lady to become my girlfriend!

这样就比较简单通顺了......

Hello everybody, my name is Gary. I was born in tianjin,
now I'm living and studying overseas. I like this place and the people here. The scenery here is beautiful. I hope I'll have an overseas woman!~

这样流畅一点~

Hello everybody, my name is Gary. I was born in Tianjin. But I study and live overseas. I like here and the people. So beautiful scenery here is! I hope I could fall in love with a foreign girl.

外国人是可以看懂你写的，但是会被笑话，所以改一改最好

Hello everybody,!My name is Gary, I was born in tianjin,
but i live and study abroad!I like here,both the people and thes cenery ,because scenery here is beautiful,I wish i c