my hobby 帮忙看一下有没有错的

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/06/21 16:49:40
Everyone live in the world can't without music. And my hobby is listening to music.
Music can make me relaxed. When I have worked for a long time, I would listen some quiet music. That would make me feel comfortable and fall asleep very quickly.
Music can make me feel warm. When I was sadly or in trouble, I would listen to music. When I feel lonely, I like listening to music, too. When I was successful, I would use music to celebrate. So I can become happier or more excited with the wonderful music.
Music is very important in my life. I like listening to music. I hope you can enjoy music as I do. Music can bring you a lot of fun.

帮忙看一下有没有错的.谢谢

Everyone live in the world can't without music. 去掉live或改成living
And my hobby is listening to （加the）music.
Music can make me relaxed.
When I have worked for a long time, When->After
I would listen (加to)some quiet music. quite->light
That would make me feel comfortable and fall asleep very quickly.
Music can make me feel warm. When I was sadly or in trouble, sadly->sad
I would listen to (加the）music. When I feel lonely, feel->felt(时态一致）
I like listening to music, too. When I was successful, I would use music to celebrate.
So I can become happier or more excited with the wonderful music. can->would
Music is very important in my life. I like listening to(加the） music.
I hope you can enjoy music as I do. can->will
Music can bring you a lot of fun.

最后忠告几句，你最好要好好学英语，
这篇文章太菜了，很难改。如果是个老师的话，这篇文章根本就不会给你改。

quiet music应该改成light music 轻音乐

Everyone (live 去掉) in th