帮忙改一下托福作文 麻烦分析一下 那里不行

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/06/07 18:35:51
Do yu agree or disagree with the following statement.
Advertising influences people's behaviour in a negative way.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

The argument about whether advertising influence people's behaviour in a negative way or not has kept hot for a long period of time.I disagree with the point view that advertising plays a negative way in people's behaviour.
Firstly,advertising bridges the commidities and consumers.The commodities introduced on the advertisements provide a for people to purse a high-quality of life,which is mire fashionable,healthier and comfortable.People can benefit a lit fron these goods,which stand for a high level of today's science and technology.In some degree,advertisements are like a guider of shopping.We cannot imagine what will out life bu like without advertising,wi could not know the new products as well as which one is good.
Wha

1. 开头第一行，influence加s
2. “has kept hot”感觉有些不正式，建议改成“has remained popular”
3. 建议把第一段第二句直接改成“From my point of view, I think advertising plays a positive way in influencing people's behaviour.”虽说题目要你说是否同意广告起反面影响，但你直接说你认为广告起正面影响同样可以，而且你之前一句没特别说大家认为广告起反面影响，如果说不同意广告起反面影响反而显得有些唐突
4. “The commodities introduced on the advertisements provide a for people to purse a high-quality of life”,a 和 for中间少了个名词，可以考虑用basis
5. “People can benefit a lit fron these goods,which stand for a high level of today's science and technology”,三处小错，分别改为lot、from、和stands
6. “We cannot imagine what will out life bu like without advertising,wi could not know the new products as well as which one is good.”,有两处拼写错误，一处语序错误，后半句有点中式英语，建议直接改成“We cannot imagine what our life will be without advertising. Also without advertising, we could not be informed of the new products, neither will we be able to know which one is good.”
7. 倒数第二段最后，“The process on advertising of legislation and supervi