求修改这关于金融的PS!!!

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/06/22 22:00:10
Due to the inclusiveness of China’s “reform and opening-up” policy, Finance plays an increasingly significant role in the development of its global position.

As a student who is with a great ambition and desire in this feild, I feel that this field is really fundamental and vital to the progress of my country.

Dating back to fifteen years ago, I settled in Kunming, a financial centre located in the southwest of China, with my parents and my childhood was thus spent in such a busy, dynamic and competitive city. My parents now operate a couple of enterprises there, throughout these years, i witnessed the entire procedures how my parents became established in their business, gradually, i developed my own strong interest in commerce, especially in finance, and cultivating my business intuition. On account of this, my father frequently instill me several financial concepts, such as well-diversified portfolio can reduce the risk of investment, keeping yourself abreast

ps应该开宗明义，第一段就应该说清楚自己要申请的项目，后面关于history和skills可以用一些段落，最后是将来要做的事情。有时候你觉得自己的结构巧夺天工，外国人却会觉得是混乱不堪。

WEUIERJKRTV
some striking examples of this are i led my class's basketball team to the winner of the championship of our grade each year. besides, i like joining the public benifit activities, such as Tree Planting Campaign, also i enjoy solving puzzles, travelling and watching news reports, especially financial reports
some striking examples of this are i led my class's basketball team to the winner of the championship of our grade each year. besides, i like joining the public benifit activities, such as Tree Planting Campaign, also i enjoy solving puzzles, travelling and watching news reports, especially financial reports
some striking examples of this are i led my class's basketball team to the winner of the championship of our grade each year. besides, i like joining the public benifit activities, such as Tree Planting Campaign, also i enjoy solving puz