刚写的雅思作文，帮忙打个分简评下哈！谢谢

Topic：Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In all ages, it is always being a well received conception that women should take major responsibility of children rearing, not only because of the child-birth but maternal instinct. Yet, this view seems to be constantly concussed accompanied with the progressive feminism as well as the significance of men in parenting individual coming to realize. In this essay, I would like to talk about the argument and put forward my own attitude.

Undeniably, women do dedicate much more in bringing the children up. However, this is not the only talent god gifts them. A host of successful great women from diverse fields have shown off the truth that there still wait brave new worlds for women to explore, w

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