请英语好的同志帮我检查一下 谢谢

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/06/23 13:27:40
Hello!!
At first，I will introduce myself.My name is xiaolin.I am a this year undergraduate student from heilongjiang .Next please read these contents with patient.Thank you!

My mark of the University Entrance Exam score about 420 points.Now I want to ask you a question if I am able to have a chance to get into your college.If I have,I will redouble my efforts to learn kownlege all kinds of fields before you see me,improving my personal qualities.If I have ,I will show you my the best performance to you.If I have,I will be an optimistic and confident person. Even thougth I won't be attemptted ,I am also contentment because I grow a lot during this time.Thank you for read mine in your busy time!

Thank you very much!!
顺便帮我改一下 谢谢

看看我英语有什么地方需要提高的

英语水品实在很一般呀,甚至有点狗屁不通,翻译如下:
你好!首先我介绍一下自己.我叫小林.我今年大学毕业,毕业于黑龙江(学校?).请耐心读取关于我的以下介绍.谢谢.
我的大学入学考试成绩大概420分.我想知道我是否有机会进入到贵司.在见面前,我将尽我最大的努力去学所有相关方面的知识,提高我的个人素质,以最好的状态面见你.我将成为一名乐观而自信的员工.即使没有录取,我也不会失望.因为在这段时间内我得到了成长.谢谢在百忙之中读这封信.非常感谢!

你是机译的英文吧。
很不成熟的英文。

I am a graduate of this year from Heilongjiang Province.
My University Entrance Exam score is about 420 points.
如果真的是写给人的信的话 建议找人代写 这样的信太简单 乏味了

Hello everyone

(allow me to introduce myself(这句其实也不太需要). My name is xiaolin, an undergraduate student from Heilong Jiang.

I would like to know if I am qualified to applied to your college. (不用解释如果有的话你会做什麼，你应该promote一下自己,所以你这里才说你的分数吧) My score for University entrance exam is about 420 points (需要讲一下这分数或者是这exam代表什麼吗?) I am a very hard working student and very eager to learn. (然后再说一下你哪方面比较厉害，或者是有你为什麼一定要到那学院念书之类。)

Thank you for your time. (不要这!。)

英文可以再改，试试该一下内容。