UC知道急急！！老托福185作文 写了一篇没人指教 希望提高！！
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/06/14 04:18:42
Topic 096: people have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress?
Since the world is rapidly changing and developing, the modern life has become more and more stressful, (in) the work, the feeling and the study. People (with) who load a huge amount of stress all the time will be sick sooner or later. Here are some methods of reducing stress which I usually try.
Music, one of the most fantastic things which human have ever created, is the first way I reduce my stress. No matter what type the music is , such as jazz, hip-hop, blue, you could listen to them if you load a lot. The rhythm, the lyric and the pitch, will take the stress away from you. The style of music I always listen to is the blue, the soft melody could make me get rid of the stress, after that I will have vigour to face the problem, to study efficiently.
Talking with a friend is another me
首先，字数太少，才300出头，怎么也得四百多。而且你一定要列三条理由或方式，两条太少。(并且如果列理由是两正一反）
你这两种方式还都不错，但写得都不够具体，老外要的是例子，越具体越好。比如写音乐，你就可以举一个你亲身的例子，你有一天遇到了什么事情，很郁闷，听了什么音乐，一定要把歌名说出来！（以显示具体）心情慢慢变好（也可以一些具体的，比如身体随着rythm 摇动）
还有就是语法和词，一定要检查，用自己很有把握的，简单没关系。
Music, one of the most fantastic things which human have ever created, is the first way I reduce my stress。这句话就肯定不对，至于肯定是Listening to music。blue应该是blues吧。。。
after that I will have vigour to face the problem, to study efficiently.总感觉这些话特俗套，尽量不用。。。
i will be distracted by the person i talk with from my stress, never do I talk about the topic related about my study or my work我觉得特像中式英文，不如说We can have some conversations based upon other topics,such as sports, instead of dealing with my study constantly for a long time.(这里面的such as 和其它的比如，例如都非常重要，一定要多用，以显示出你的具体)
control the stress in a number of approaches，中的control用的也不大准，不如用relieve
结尾还不行，总结的不错，还有个小提升。。。
（仅个人意见，择优参考！）
换用更高的词，词句明显还可以再修饰一下
比如把TALK换CO