英语翻译修改

I need to study all of these major subjects well（删去（all）of比较好）, so（that） i can do well in my future career.

First of all,it is a scenic university which provides benign（改为an open） environment for student's studying and reviewing.
Secondly, it has the highest percentage of students passing their courses of all the universities in China.（这句可以改成the percentage of students passing their courses here is the highest of all the university in China.)
And in addition, the persons(改为teachers (who are)) qualified to teach in this university are excellent.

1、study 应该改成 learn
2、First of all,it is a scenic university which provides benign environment for students studying and reviewing.----------first of all, it is a scenic university which provides students with a benign environment to study and review.
3、the persons ----people

仅个人意见

实话说，语法上严丝合缝，毫无纰漏。但就是汉语直译的痕迹太明显。

wsjuely 讲得好