what if I can't go abroad...?

MORE CONFIDENCE!!!!
I think I'm in the same conditions as you are. Studying aboard IS your future. It's reasonable, and reachable.
Yes, okay, studying aboard probably means loads of hardships, maybe many years of learning and working. That's the point. That's what you have to overcome if you don't want to give up.
But just remember this. There are a group of people who are striving to leave China, and their way are much tougher and bitterer than ours!! In southeastern China, many people go abroad and stay at these countries illegally. Truly, they just stay there directly. Fortunately, the governments are quite tolerant. They can get by without legal identity. Ironically, their lives could be even better than before, and the governments even grant them their nationalities after a decade or two. Compared with them, we are lucky.

AND, MONEY IS NOT A VITAL PROBLEM!!
Once you get into a college of western countries, the rest of your diff