雅思作文打分 最好能给点建议

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/05 22:54:17
Improvements in health,education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However , the governments of the richer nations should take more responsibility for help the poorer nations in such areas.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

As the globalization degree is increasingly, global village has became a proliferation concept. In this case, i hold the view ,rich country take more responsibility, not only to think for themselves, but also to promote the development countries substantially.

The poor nations health and trade are accompanied by the rich ones as a result of globalization. rich nations can not separately advance, in turn, poor nations are more reliable on rich nations. This point can be firmly confirmed with an example of SARS. Apparently, developed countries can not defend the world-spread disease with a neglect measure , forbidding immigrants that period internationally. It is evident that helping the

6

As the globalization degree is increasing, global village has became a prolific concept. In this case, from my point of view ,rich country ought to take more responsibility, which is not only to think for themselves, but also to promote the development of countries' substantially.

The poor nations' medical service and trade are connected with rich ones
due to globalization. rich nations can not develop independently and poor nations are more reliable on rich nations as well. This point can be firmly confirmed by the example of SARS. Apparently, developed countries can not restrain the world-spread disease with neglect measures or expeling immigrants .
我帮你改了一点，感觉你确实是用心看了十天突破雅思写作，风格很像，但小错误实在太多了，有点不想改了。主要还是单复数，应该形容词，你用了副词，一些连词用了但不对。最主要的是你有些词用的意思不对，比如are accompanied by 是不好的东西连带产生了什么东西，用错了，建议多练。我分数不太懂，不过5.5吧，不能多了。 还有，你的逻辑要直接点，清晰一些，我觉得你举得例子好像和上句话没什么关系。

改善卫生，教育和贸易的发展至关重要的较穷的国家。然而，政府的富裕国家应该承担更多的责任帮助贫穷国家在这些领域。
在多大程度上你同意或不同意这种看法？

随