UC知道自己写的书面表达，09山东高考写作题，帮忙点评一下
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/25 17:07:34
假设你是李华，曾在美国学习半年，现已回国。你想联系你的美国老师Mr.Smith，但没有其联系方式。请根据以下要点给你的美国同学Tom写一封信：
1.感谢Tom对你英语学习的帮助。
2.询问Mr.Smith的近况并索要其联系方式。
3.邀请Tom在春节期间来中国感受中国文化。
注意：1.词数120-150。
2.可适当增加细节。
这是我写的；
Dear Tom,
Hello,I'm Lihua,the Chinese boy.I'm so glad to write to you.
How's it going?I am in China now.But for the help of you.I would't come back so quickly.So thank you very much,for your help,for your love.I'm so expected to see you,so do you want to come to China during Spring Festival.Spring Festival is the tradional festival in China,like Christmas.If you come,I'll take you to see The Great Wall and other sight,I can't imagad how great it is.
And I want ti know something about Mr Smith.You know he helps me a lot.I think he like my father when I was in America,so could you tell me his phone number or e-mail adress.Iwant to write to he.
Best wishes to you!
第一句中的the改成a，其它的没什么大问题了，只是你文中没有用太多的复合句，基本上都很简单，
可以试着用一些复合保句，如“Spring Festival is the tradional festival in China,like Christmas.”我认为可以用“Festival to ua what Christmas to you”
不过这只是很细的去看，在老师改卷时不会看那么细，总的来说它很不错，让我在考场上我也写不出来这样的。
我认为将How's it going改为how's everything going更好，可能是习惯用法吧
imagad拼写错误吧
Iwant to write to he.he 应该改为him
我的例文:
dear tom,
First, I want to tell you how much i miss you and the days i studied in American. Thank you again for the help you give to me durning those days.under you help, my English have made a great progress. My family and i would like to invit you to come to China during the Spring Festivel, the most lively fesitivel in China, i am sure you will feel the real culture of our nation.
I also want you to tell me how can i get in touch with Mr.Smith.You know Mr.Smith also helped a lot,i want to express my thanks to him.
Looking forword to you replying.