帮忙解释一下这些是什么意思啊？

a. Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read the notice. (from a Tokyo hotel)
b. The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. (In a Bucharest hotel lobby)
c. The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. (In a Yugoslavian hotel)
d. Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. (On the menu of a Swiss restaurant)
e. Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. (In a Yugoslavian hotel)
f. It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
g. Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar. (In a Norwegian cocktail lounge)
h. We take your bags and send them in all directions. (In a Copenhagen airline office)
i. It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together

这些都是世界各地搞笑的英文摘录（均出自非英语国家的英文句子）

a. Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read the notice. (from a Tokyo hotel)
请勿偷窃宾馆毛巾，如果你不是那种人，请忽略此条。（摘自一家东京的宾馆）
这句英文的原话有语法错误，而且这种说法挺搞笑的

b. The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. (In a Bucharest hotel lobby)
电梯将于次日进行维修，很抱歉届时您将是无法忍受的。（布加勒斯特的一家宾馆大厅里如是说）
这句话本意想说“届时您将无法使用电梯”，但是错用了unbearable这个单词

c. The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. (In a Yugoslavian hotel)
愉快地为您整平内衣裤是宾馆女服务员的工作职责。（一家南斯拉夫宾馆）
这个英语写的简直汗死了。。。不知道它本意到底想说什么

d. Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. (On the menu of a Swiss restaurant)
我们的酒可以让您绝望。（在一家瑞士餐馆的菜单上）
本意应该是“让您别无所求”

e. Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. (In a Yugoslavian hotel)
请预订您的夏季装。由于时间仓促我们将严格地轮流处死顾客。。（一家南斯拉夫宾馆）