求圣诞节英语搞笑剧本~急!

孔雀东南飞 英语搞笑剧本
焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)

prologue
(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my
wife is wusong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)act1
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.l:ok.my most beautifu