帮我改下作文,改完后评价一下,谢谢!!
来源:百度知道 编辑:UC知道 时间:2024/05/22 03:50:50
Some unforgotten scenes have been enshrined deep in my heart, which as happened yesterday. It is an accident happened 20 years ago and is the worse experience in my life. I can’t forget it.
As I was 5 years old, my family lived in a factory in which my mother worked. My father taught in another town where not far away forms us. Father came back home every week, I like him very much. We had a happy time although we were poor at that time. I can remember one of my friends who call Jane. Because of Jane had got a poliomyelitis her intelligence like 5 years old although she has 18 years old. Nobody likes to play with Jane but me. She is a nice girl. We play happily until that accidence happened. Everything had changed.
That day Jane and I got up early, we played as usual. It was a quite morning that just only server workers to prepared their breakfast. We peered over the workers set fire, after they done it, they put out the fire bur still
As I was 5 years old的As用When是不是更加连通一些
,my family lived in a factory in which my mother worked中的in which 可以用where代替
My father taught in another town where not far away forms us.中的far away 词组用错可以删去away,另外forms拼错,froms.
Father came back home every week中的home可删
I can remember one of my friends who call Jane.中的call改为called
Because of Jane had got a poliomyelitis her intelligence like 5 years old although she has 18 years old.语序应调换
Nobody likes to play with Jane but me.中的but应该用except
We play happily until that accidence happened. Everything had changed.时态用错,主句应用过去式.
It was a quite morning that just only server workers to prepared their breakfast.中的only server workers to prepared their breakfast.应表伴随用过去进行时
实在对不起因为有事没有看完,希望能给你些帮助