翻译一段小说里的女主人公的话~~翻成英文

I never think that I will have the courage to say these, therefore, as to me,you could set your mind at ease, I've thought about the most unfortunate answer you will give to me.
And if you say no to me, maybe it's my retribution. How to express my feeling now? Bedore, I rejected other persons without a second thought,and I've hurt them deeply, now, this seems to me the retribution.

全是自己译的～望满意哦～~^0^~

我从小就没有想到我会有这么大的勇气说这些,所以对于我你可以放心,我已经想到那最不幸的答案了.就算你拒绝也是我的报应吧...
I have never imagined that I would have such great courage to say these words since my childhood. So you may feel reassured about me that I've already thought of the worst answer. Even if you reject me, it serves me right...
怎么说呢,之前我也曾经想都没有想去拒绝了别人,我给予他们的打击,就是我今天的报应吧
How should I put it? Before this I rejected other people without any thinking. Maybe the blow I dealt them will be returned to me now.

I on had not thought since childhood I can have the such big courag