请英语高手帮忙看看作文 帮我找找语法错误

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/21 19:10:39
I will receive a Bachelor’s Degree of medicine after I graduate from my college this summer. On the one hand, although I have studied my major for 5 years. But I know, my knowledge is limited, and I have a long way to go on my major. On the other hand, my friend who graduated from your university recommended it to me. SO I think if I could have a chance to study at your school and finally obtain a Master’s Degree of Medicine, I would be very lucky!
Could you please tell me something about your university such as the fee I should pay and how about the accommodation and their qualifications . Would you please send me an application form and other materials necessary for my applications so that I could begin the application procedure .

although I have studied my major for 5 years. But I know, my knowledge is limited, and I have a long way to go on my major.

标准中国式英语。although和but不能一起用的！去掉其中一个

On the one hand... On the other hand不能乱用的
一般表示两个相反的意思，突出内容的对比性，相当于but。

recommend也不是这样用的。
要么recommend that...跟从句，
要么recommend sth.
要么recommend sb. to do..
recommend sth to sb是指把某物托付给某人，你的朋友把这所大学托付给你了？

应改成：
I have studied my major for 5 years. But I know my knowledge is limited, and I have a long way to go on my major. Besides, my friend who graduated from your university recommended me to enter your university for a further study.

SO I think if I could have a chance to study at your school and finally obtain a Master’s Degree of Medicine, I would be very lucky!
首先，不要用school，那是给人家降档次。
其次，So I think很累赘。"I think..."这种句型只有在别人让你表达看法，或者当你成为了某一方面的权威，发表权威性看法的时候才能用。不知道为什么中国学生都喜欢用这两个词。
最后，句型应该倒装，把lucky放到前面去。

应改成：It