UC知道可以帮我批改一下ielts作文吗?非常感谢...
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/08 11:35:51
The line graph illustrates some interesting trends of Proportion of population aged 65 and over from 1940 and 2040.The three groups which are reflected in this graph are: Japan, Sweden and the USA.
From 1940 to approximately 2007, the proportion of old people decreased slightly from 5% to about 3% in 1990 and then returned to 5%, after that it will still climb generally until 2030 to 10%.Crazyly, theproporation of the population of aged people will have a sharp rising of 15% over 5 years and then will become slowly to about 28% in 2040.
Interestingly, from 1940 to 1990, the treads of the proportion of the population aged 65 and over were almost the same between Sweden and the USA. However, the beginning in Sweden, was 7% while in the USA, it was 9%.From then on, the number of this kind of people will still increasing to 25% in 2040 in Sweden, which is higher than that in the USA.
IELTS4 text1
With the developing of modern technology, more and more media commu
From 1940 to approximately 2007, the proportion of old people decreased slightly from 5% to about 3% in 1990 and then returned to 5%, after that it will still climb generally until 2030 to 10%.Crazyly, theproporation of the population of aged people will have a sharp rising of 15% over 5 years and then will become slowly to about 28% in 2040.
Interestingly, from 1940 to 1990, the treads of the proportion of the population aged 65 and over were almost the same between Sweden and the USA. However, the beginning in Sweden, was 7% while in the USA, it was 9%.From then on, the number of this kind of people will still increasing to 25% in 2040 in Sweden, which is higher than that in the USA.
IELTS4 text1
With the developing of modern technology, more and more media commu
没有graph是比较麻烦的。
不过有些东西还是可以看出来。
比如Para1：“from 1940 and 2040”, “and”改成“to”;
又如Para2&3：“crazyly”和“interestingly”最好不要用，因为雅思写作Part1的重点在于陈述事实，而不是写出自己的主观性评论，即不要写出自己的opinion.以上两词的主观性色彩太重;
Para3的最后一行的第一个词改成"increase"
TEXT1:
Line1: "developing"改成"development"
Para3: "Compared with TV, we must say radios are much more historic than TVs",删掉"than TVs"
还有，你的文章中用到了"more and more" "less and less",我的外教曾经说过，这样的表达方式是很不地道的，外国人很少这么用。
还有，"there is one category of things that we cannot ignore are books." 这句话是杂糅，可以删掉"there is",再把"are"改成"is".
希望对你有帮助。
线图都没有放出来怎么看哦？