修改英文日记，谢谢了！

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/30 05:22:11
Have you ever heard the song of A True Story? "Going over the bulrush slope, have you ever heard that a girl have ever been there......"
The song was written for a girl who lost her precious life for saving a wounded red-crowned crane. People called the girl The Red-Crowned Crane Girl after her death. The event was happened in 1988 when she was a beautiful girl of 23 and had just graduated from university. I first heard the story when I was still a junior high school student and it really moved me. 20 years past, when I heard the story again on TV today, I was still moved by it!

your english is quite smooth i gotta say!

several suggestions though:

1.Have you ever heard the song "A True Story"? 不需要 of, 但需要加引号.让别人清楚的知道歌名是什么.

2. The song was written in memory of a girl... 也许更好.
表示为了纪念这样一个女孩写了这首歌.
3.The event happened 应该是主动形态的. 这个事件是发生,不是被发生.而且既然歌名都叫Story了那你不如也写成 The story happened...
4. when she was a beautiful 23-year-old girl,比" a girl of 23"更常用.
整个句子如果都是描写girl的背景的话,可以不用and 而改成一个句子.比如说 " The story happened when this beautiful 23-year-old girl just graduated from university.
5.. I first heard the story when I was still a junior high school student and it really moved me. 这句话里,不知道你是要强调 "你第一次听到这个故事", 还是强调"当时你很小,只是一个初中生(当你第一次听到这个故事)".如果是后者的话, 那就要把主从句对调一下. The first time i heard this story, I was just a junior high school student.

6.最后一段没有问题.我只是提一些自己的想法. 我会想这么写:
Time has past, but the story doesn't stop moving me. 20 years later when i hear