请帮忙检查下语段中的错误

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/29 09:00:57
My first impression on Korea was occurred when I was 9 years old at 1998.One of my parents’ friends told us that his wife,who is a Korean,donated all of her jewelry to the motherland in order to help the country out of economic crisis.I was shocked by the ethos of this country and put much attention to our neighbor from then on.During the next 10 years,I saw Korea developed quickly with limited mineral resources and won a top position in Asia,which help me made my decision to come to Korea for further education.

My first impression on Korea was occurred when I was 9 years old IN 1998.One of my parents’ friends told us that his wife,who is a Korean,donated all of her jewelry to the motherland in order to help the country out of economic crisis.I was shocked by the ethos of this country and STARTED TO PAY MORE attention to our neighbor from then on.During the next 10 years,I saw Korea developed quickly with limited mineral resources and won a top position in Asia,which MADE me DECIDE to come to Korea for further education.

impression (on --> of) Korea(was不要）occurred
(at --> in) 1998
paid attention

差不多了

was去掉
at-in

第一句就错了，用词不当。记得写完整的句子，Korean后应该加had,去掉逗号。后面好几处都用词不当！