UC知道雅思作文批改，第一次写啊…麻烦高手点评…谢谢~
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/19 23:01:46
有人认为政府应该控制暴力电影以减少社会上逐渐增高的暴力犯罪案件。Do you agree or disagree?
Some people hold the view that violence in films is one of the reasons that lead to violent crimes so government should keep it under control. I’m standing firmly on their side by three reasons.
To begin with, the dramatic endings in violent films will wake up the evil minds in some people since the tough guys in the movies may luckily escape being punished or even become heroes. Those who haven’t form a sense of right and wrong and can’t tell drama from reality will probably be misleaded to a guilty road.
Dramatic endings are only creating evil ideas in some people’s minds, but the tricks in violent films are teaching those people how to perform a clever crime. To attract a large audience and selling more tickets, the film writers will try all means to create new witty tricks. Once the potential criminals appreciate and understand some of such tricks, they will either choose a suitable one or co
Some people hold the view that violence in films is one of the reasons that lead to violent crimes so government should keep it under control. I’m standing firmly on their side by three reasons.
To begin with, the dramatic endings in violent films will wake up the evil minds in some people since the tough guys in the movies may luckily escape being punished or even become heroes. Those who haven’t form a sense of right and wrong and can’t tell drama from reality will probably be misleaded to a guilty road.
Dramatic endings are only creating evil ideas in some people’s minds, but the tricks in violent films are teaching those people how to perform a clever crime. To attract a large audience and selling more tickets, the film writers will try all means to create new witty tricks. Once the potential criminals appreciate and understand some of such tricks, they will either choose a suitable one or co
我觉得你最后一段写的比较好，可以作为文章的中心论点，这样的文章写出来更好。下面是我觉得存在的问题
1、首段重申文章的，但是要注意不要使用和作文题目一样的文字，要改写！！eg.some people hold改为There is a ascending thought that...（我不知道原题是什么样子的）你同意了文章的主题，同时要表明自己的观点，你至说了你同意violence in films is one of the reasons that lead to violent crimes so government should keep it under control. 但是没有表明你的论文观点是什么。eg.最后最好加上一句In my opinion,
我个人觉得雅思作文最好是写中立的，一是这样的文章不容易写的过激，二是，可以增加你写的内容。
2、分论点比较薄弱，主要是第三个。
3、段落结构不是很清晰，因为是议论文，最好有一些如firstly, the last point that I want to present等等的表述要写会比较好
以上是一些我个人的看法，我的雅思作文7分，GMAT作文6.5