求地道英语翻译以及作文点评

来源:百度知道 编辑:UC知道 时间:2024/05/22 19:07:30
1.宏伟的场面;
2.挑起战争;
3.支柱产业;
4.地道的英语;

再麻烦大侠帮忙改一下托福作文,题目是孩子应不应该看电视。

When I was a small child, the internet was not very popular by then, the TV is almost the exclusive form of recreation after the monotonous school day. From watching TV, I gained a lot of information and knowledge which my family, or even the teachers failed to pass on to me. Even if nowadays, the Internet is stronger than ever, TV is still the paramount source of information of mine.
In my perspective, I always adhere to the point of view that a child should watch TV from an early age. As a public media, the programs broadcasted on TV are mostly strictly selected, which compare to the Internet, is a big advantage, therefore, the programs are more suitable for children to watch.
Moreover, there are channels which children are the target audiences, the parents will thus exert less effort to find programs for their children.
Studies showed that children who watch TV

lz, 这个任务交给我吧n_n。
(本人是广东外语外贸大学高翻学院商务英语翻译研一学生,请放心,我会认真帮你点评的)
首先解决这些短语的翻译:
1 spectacular scenario

2 provoke(stir) a war

3 polar industry

4 native-spoken English

现在说说你这篇托福composition,你的题目是“Should children be exposed to TV?”(孩子应不应该看电视),但你的point是“children should watch tv from an early age”,即孩子“应该尽早地接触电视(节目)”,而且在conclusion段中你强调的依然是这个topic,这与该作文题是有悖的。其实你大可不必加上这个特定的年龄限制,将它去掉吧,这样你整篇文章就协调了。
不可否认,你的文笔和style很成熟,写出的句子非常流畅,在grammar,fluidity,vocabulary上得分绝对没问题,尽管你的文章也花了大篇幅论述了孩子看电视是应该的,而且还将看电视的好处与用电脑相比,采用了比较论述与突出重点的方法,但因为强调的却是“from an early age”,而且比较重要的一点,你没有从正反两方面去论述,一味地强调孩子看电视的好处、一味地论证让孩子接触电视媒体对他们身心发展的益处,但须知本作文题的目的不在于此,这个作文题的真正用意是考察考生能否在总结孩子看电视的好处之外、对孩子长期看电视或过分依赖电视内容的坏处也要提出自己的看法,很可惜你没有,你是single line,这是行不通的。

你的正面观点是正确的,比如你提出的几个论据:
1 电视节目通过了较严格的审查后才播放的,而网络内容良莠不齐
2 很多电视频道都是针对孩子的,特别是教育频道
3 电视节目能寓教于乐,让孩子更易接受,而且拓宽了孩子的视野与知识范围
4 电视节目与实际的课堂教学是相辅相成的,能在课余充实孩子的生活

但是。。。 。。。lz,你第一段完全是以自己的经验,凭着自己的看法来展开论述的,这不