请高手看一下我的作文（高中）为什么得不了高分？（例文如下）

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/26 04:29:30
要求：
假如你是李华，澳大利亚绿色环保组织将举行一次“澳大利亚环保两周游”，你希望能得到这个机会。请按要求向组织写一封申请信。内容包括：
个人情况：年龄，身份，兴趣，健康状况
申请理由：向往澳大利亚，了解动植物，增加环保知识，拓宽眼界。

Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Li Hua.I want very much to take the chance for Two-Week Eco-travel Round Australia.(以上是短文已经写好的)
（下面才是我写的）
I am a middle school student who likes traveling very much and I am in good condition.
What makes me so eager to go is that I love Austrilia deeply.If I were to have the chance,I would know more about the variety of plants and animals there.And surely can I gain the environmental protection knowledge and not only this,it can broaden my horizon about the world.How interesting it would be!
Do wish you to consider my applyment.And I am looing forward to your replyment.
Best wishes.
Yours sincerely,
Li Hua
我的作文总是得20分（满分25），我想再提一提，哪怕2分也行啊，请高手指点一下，我作文有哪些不对的地方或者缺少什么或是别的

我觉得你可以再写点What makes me so eager to go ，我总觉得“I love Austrilia deeply”太平常，你可以再写点比如澳大利亚的风光，内容就会充实多了。
你的句式有很多用得很不错，比如虚拟语气、感叹句式。

每个老公评卷标准不一样。写挺好了。

知足吧
问外教

Who am I a middle school student like travelling, I am at the good state. is anything lets me so long for what is, I like Australian deeply. If I have the opportunity, I want more to understand each kind of different plant and animal there. And I may obtain certain environmental protection knowledge, but is not only this point, may expand my field of vision world. How that will be interesting! do not hope that you consider my applyment. And I looing your replyment. best wish. I herewith offer.
Li Hua
你在看这个:
I am a secondary school student who is very fond of traveling, I am in good condition.
What is so eager to let me go, I like Australia deeply.If I was given the chance, I would like to know more about a variety of plants and animals there.And I can get a certain degree of environme