求高人帮我改下这篇托福作文

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/06/10 16:15:12
Whether stars should have high salary? Some people may believe that stars of course can get more salary than ordinary people due to they are famous. But others, in contrast, deem that they shouldn't, because stars are also normal persons. From where I stand, I am more inclined to the latter in that it is more commonsensical and reasonable. Among various factors that contribute my position are the following reasons: people would live as normal without stars, stars may bring about some adversely affect to masses.

Initially, the primary reason is that people's life do not rely on stars. So why should they deserve high payment, that's unreasonable. This can be aptly exemplified and illustrated by the following case: Ken, who's my best friend, was fascinated by a pop star name Michael Jackson, when Michael retired, Ken just changed another singer who had the same style to Michael and focus on him without sadness. It comes no surprise that Ken's life went on a

我不是高手，不过可以给你挑点错误。

第一段，due to后边貌似一般都接名词，直接加句子有点怪，从句可以。那个affect - effects比较好吧，它还是一般做动词的。还有，adversely是副词……

第二段，注意下标点吧。So why should they deserve high payment, that's unreasonable.两句话了。name - named （MJ）。后边the same ... as吧。还有时态，focused。后边那句，it comes 后加 as (no surprise that...)。(one's life)do - does。

第三段，同上。

第四段，Although the demerits of stars have high payment exist. 和stars are so busy that they even have enough time to rest they air suffering higher stress than ordinary people.这两句有点乱。

写得挺好的，结构很清晰。以上意见仅供参考~

Whether stars should have high salary? 我觉得改成复数好点.salaries.

than ordinary people due to they are famous.[due to后面跟名词,不跟句子.所以due to their famousness]不要老用salary,换换词,比如get paid.
From where I stand, I am more inclined to the latter in that it is more commonsensical and reasonable.定语从句?不要这样用,to the later one which is more....

Among various factors that contribute [加to] my position are the followi