哪位英语水平高的人帮我看看这段英语有语法错误吗

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/27 13:42:52
根据下面的翻译看看这些都对吗，有语法错误吗？有的话希望帮忙指出并改正 谢谢 ！！ 好的话我会加分 的 Hello everyone.I am XXX, my 20 years old, I come from XXX, a very beautiful coastal city.I am the only daughter in my family, My parents love me too much .Personality, I move off if the rabbit, such as Department of static son, cheerful with others, be able to communicate, but also be able to seriously deal with the completion of my task. At positions, and create maximum value for my own are my goals. A strong sense of responsibility on the job, an industrious, steadfast, focused on team spirit and collective concept. I believe that as long as seriously, there is no job should not competent
I have wide spread interests, I am curious about everything.But my favorite things are: listening to music , Go shopping, as well as other things related to fashion.I deeply love the fashion, I continuously thought decorating oneself is a way to expresses oneself, showing oneself is the best

my 20 years old【错了，应是i'm 20 years old】

I move off if the rabbit, such as Department of static son【这句看上去怪怪的，如果是给中国人看的就算了，如果是老外，我看免了吧，实在是很中国式的英语啊~用一两个实际点的形容词去形容你的性格就好】

but also be able to seriously deal with the completion of my task【直接用but also 么？用as well好点吧】
and create maximum value for my own are my goals【and 改成to】
have wide spread interests【去掉spread，多余的这是】
and is enjoying every day positively and upwardly【去掉is,改enjoying 为enjoy】

大部分语法都还好，就是有些bug

原文有语法错误的地方已被括号所标：
Hello （everyone.I） am XXX, my 20 years （old,） I come from XXX, a very beautiful coastal （city.I ）am the only daughter in my family, （My） parents love me too much .Personality, I move off if the rabbit, such as Department of static son, cheerful with others, be able to communicate, but also be able to seriously deal with the completion of my task. At positions, and create maximum value for my own are my goals. A strong sense of responsibility on the job, an in