UC知道雅思作文批改
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/06/12 15:23:10
高手帮改，这是我的雅思处子作，马上要上战场了。帮我提点意见，顺便估分，谢谢！
task2
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary society，a vast number of colleges enroll unequal numbers of men and women students in all subjects.It is an arguable ploblem that universities should admit the same amount of men and women students or not.I disagree that all the colleges accept equivalent numbers of male and female students in all subjects.
On the one hand,universities can admit male and femal students in the same proportion in some public subjects,such as Business,Laws,Politics and so on.In contrast,it is reasonable that unequal numbers in some aspects,for instance some logical subjects.Most femail students find that it is very tough to be proficient in logical mind.We can not constrain women delicate themselves in the natural sciences.Moreover,with reseaching some subjects such as languages,laws
task2
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary society，a vast number of colleges enroll unequal numbers of men and women students in all subjects.It is an arguable ploblem that universities should admit the same amount of men and women students or not.I disagree that all the colleges accept equivalent numbers of male and female students in all subjects.
On the one hand,universities can admit male and femal students in the same proportion in some public subjects,such as Business,Laws,Politics and so on.In contrast,it is reasonable that unequal numbers in some aspects,for instance some logical subjects.Most femail students find that it is very tough to be proficient in logical mind.We can not constrain women delicate themselves in the natural sciences.Moreover,with reseaching some subjects such as languages,laws
in a word,u maybe get 6~6.5 that in my opiniom.
写的不错，先说说你的advantage：1 语法，短语运用的不错，多变，不单一
2 写作中的四段式“起承转合”做的也很好 3 观点明确 4 作文中没有出现“we ·you”这样的单词 这些做的很好
说说我觉得不太好的地方哦---你的段落中句子的层次不太好，如果想得7，你必须做好这一点，for example--in passage2----“In contrast,it is reasonable that unequal numbers in some aspects,for instance some logical subjects”我感觉这句来的突兀，在这一句前面再多说点学校应该平均男女人数比例的理由会好点，用充分表达自己的观点，然后再“in contrast”就好些。。观点可用你在passage 3--女性discrimination，这样，第三段--转的部分---就再说说harmful aspects in unequal proportion
你的连接词也用的很好，很明显，一目了然。
blessing u get satisfied score