急！！！帮我看一下英语作文（初二）

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/29 20:52:04
明天考试，请高手们帮我检查一下有没有错，谢谢！本人将感激不尽！
Today is an unusual day.When i was going to the park ,i met a robbery.A man who carried a gun was trying to rob an old lady ,the lady was very frightened and she shouted "help".But there's nobody unless me.I quickly dialled 110.As the police came,The man was just ready to leave .The robber was caught .The old lady thanked for me .I really felt like a hero!
请回答的高手说准了，要不考试就扣分了！！！！
主要看下语法有没有错

1.When i was going to the park改成On my way to park
2.met 改为happened to see
3. unless 改为but或except
4.As the police came 改为when the police arrived
5.leave 改为 escape(逃跑)
另外提点建议，多用连词，是文章连贯

Today is an unusual day.When i was going to the park ,i met a robbery.A man who carried a gun was trying to rob an old lady ,the lady was very frightened and she shouted "help".But there's nobody there at that time.I quickly called the police.As the police came,The man was just ready to leave .The robber was caught .The old lady thanked for me .I really felt like a hero!

shout 后面最好加for
其余的部分我看了还可以
挺不错的

the lady was very frightened and she shouted "help".这个句有点小毛病，shouted不能用被动，要写成shouting
The old lady thanked for me .也要改，把FOR删除

不要说unless me 可以说except me,还有when the police came ,thanked me 不要加for,最好说felt like being a hero,其他好像没什么问题了。。。