我想知道一些英语笑话,短一点,简单一点就可以了,谢谢

ONLY A FEW WORDS
At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. "Don't you speak English at all?" the judge asks. "Only a few words," replies the mugger.
"What words do you know?"
"Your purse or your life!"

DON'T BE SELFISH
A mother is admonishing her son.
----Now, John, don't be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.
----But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.

Tom’s excuse
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".

Bad news and very bad news
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 2