UC知道我的四级作文练习,请大家帮个忙指点一下~~~
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/06/14 05:41:02
Thank you for your patience to read this letter. Now that the problem of food safety is becoming worse and worse, I am obliged to write to you.
It so happened that last Saturday, my roommate Allen who went shopping in a supermarket where he purchased some grapes threw up and his face went pale. On seeing this, I pick up the telephone and called an ambulance which took him to a hospital in no time where he receiced treatment and recovered two days later. The doctors said it was lucky for him to get out of danger and attributed the cause to the rotten grapes.
It is this matter that made me realize the seriousness of the food safety. As far as I’m concerned, it is high time that the whole society made much of the issue of food safety, which I sincerely hope.
Your sincerely,
Garfield
以上就是全文了.我最想请教各位高手的是:最后一句里的" which I sincerely hope"用在这里合适么?
文章结构是很经典的三段论,结构上还可以。
Thank you for your patience to read this letter.这句话放到信末说.
我挑处几处语法错误:
Now that the problem of food safety is becoming worse and worse, I am obliged to write to you. 去掉that(这里that可以存在,作为the problem...的同位语,但太累赘)
It so happened that last Saturday, 句子缺少成分,应该为It happened on the last Saturday.
my roommate Allen who went shopping in a supermarket where he purchased some grapes threw up and his face went pale.是个长句,但让人的看的一头雾水.连用了两个定语从句,太罗嗦,也没说明白问题，他去超市买东西，在那里买了葡萄,弄吐了，脸色苍白.
my roomate Allen threw up and his face went pale after eating some grapes he bought in a supermarket.
I pick up the telephone and called an ambulance which took him to a hospital in no time where he receiced treatment and recovered two days later. 又是个长句,别总用长句，除非你有把握对.越长越容易出错。
也不是越长就越牛!
I picked up the telephone and called an ambulance that took him to a hospital in time where he received emergency treatment.The doctors said that the ca