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Just like an old saying goes on改为Just like an old saying goes，
relax is real important and necessary to us改为relaxing is really....

错误不少

Just like an old saying goes: “ Always studies and no play makes Jack a dull boy!” So, relax is really important and necessary to us.

Always studies and no play makes 改为always studying and no playing
用-ing形式做主语

real应该换成really

relax is really.....

not at all