帮我修改一篇英语自我介绍

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/14 17:50:12
Good afternoon , teachers .My name is Xu .You can also call me Victoria. I’m a 14-year-old student at Shuren School .
I look common ,but I think what’s inside my heart is uncommon .I can go well with all my classmates .My hobby is drawing traditional Chinese pianting So that I become a gentle and quiet girl . I enjoy English. because to express my idea in English is interesting.
That’s all . Thank you for giving me the chance .
帮我看下有没有语法错误，词类使用错误，合理性的错误。拜托快点，明天我要用，回答得好的加分，谢谢了

我觉得整体上无明显语法错误，在表达上可能稍有不适的地方。what is inside my heart 中heart一般是内心的意思，而你后方向陈述的是你的性格、内涵与思想，我想这里用what is inside me更广义些。
I can go well with all my classmates最好用I can get on well with all my classmates.
My hobby is......quiet girl这个地方逻辑不太清晰。hobby就是爱好，爱好是生性喜爱的，不是为了去达到什么。所以so that这个目的性很强的短语不合适。我个人认为你这样说会更合适：My hobby is drawing traditional Chinese paintings which makes me a quiet and gentle girl.后面，你要谈论去用英语表达很有趣，用doing 句型更好。I enjoy English because expressing my idea in English is interesting.
最后，Thank you for giving me the chance有些含糊。the chance后应再加以修饰。如：Thank you for giving me the chance to show myself to all of you/ Thank you for giving me the chance to introduce myself to all of you.

I’m a 14-year-old student at Shuren School .
at可以改成from

其他都还不错，楼主文采不赖啊～

Good afternoon , teachers .My name is Xu .You can also call me Victoria. I’m a 14-year-old student at Shuren School .
I look common ,but I think what inside my heart is uncommon .I can go we