修改一下这篇雅思作文~~并且估计个分数~~

来源:百度知道 编辑:UC知道 时间:2024/05/17 00:32:49
关于传统食物是否会被快餐代替的雅思作文
McDonald’s,KFC,and Burger King:these international fast foods are full of our daily lives.Unconsciously,many traditional foods have been replaced by fast foods.What a huge disaster it is!

Firstly,the mushroomed fast foods have very negative effects on societies.Since hundred years ago,the traditional foods have become one of the most important symbols of a culture.As we mentioning some countries,we can associate them with their famous foods,Peking duck of China,Sashimi of Japan,and Rome Pizza of Italy.But the international fast foods are occupying every corner of the whole world nowadays.In the near future,we can tell that all cultures will have a same famous food—McDonald’s.Such a normal kind of food is acrually a culture aggression of most countries.

Secondly,it has been proved many times that the fast foods have negative effects on people’s health,just as it’s dramatically named “junk food”.As we all know that people need balance mutrit

these international fast foods are full of our daily lives.我觉得应该改为our daily lives are full of these international fast foods

Unconsciously,many traditional foods have been replaced by fast foods.我觉得food不可能unconsciously,最好将unconsciously改为gradually

As we mentioning some countries,we can associate them with their famous foods这里建议将mentioning改为mention

we can tell that all cultures will have a same famous food建议将a same 改为the same

Such a normal kind of food is acrually a culture aggression of most countries. 建议将acrually 改为actually,另外还建议将of most countries删掉,或将of 改为to

just as it’s dramatically named “junk food建议将it's改为they are

As we all know that people need balance mutrition for every daily life建议去掉every

The fast foods not only robbed children’s health,but also robbed their choice of other kinds of food. 建议将robbed都改为rob,或者have robbed

Hoping it is not too late to take actions to against the aggressio