帮忙看下英语语句是否通顺

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/25 04:45:00
Good evening, everyone! My name is Dalia. Today I talk about my job. I don’t work for many years, Since 2006, after graduating from college, I have been in CPI power Engineering Co., Ltd., (limited company). I engaged in human resources management, in charge of training and human resources information, and help my manager to do some auxiliary work.
College students of the times, made a number of part-time design, because my profession is multimedia design, so I worked for some advertising agencies to design picture album.
Graduation is approaching that time, the company of I practice has a number of business contacts with the company of I work now, as the work of the outstanding performance, the Human Resources Department manager tell me after graduation, I can work in their company.
My cheerful personality, like dealing with people, communication is my strength, so I love the current recruitment and training. I make many friends in my work. I learned how to do thing

楼主：不好意思，把你这篇文章给弄成这样。我没有把改好的给你，而是直接在要改的地方说出来，这样便于您比较，发现错误在哪。并且我给这么一句句断开，以免看得乱。
Good evening, everyone! My name is Dalia（这句没错）.

Today I (加will) talk about my job. I don’t work for many years(这句要去掉),

改为：After graduated in2006（这样改过来表达清楚又明了）, I have been in CPI power Engineering Co., Ltd., (limited company). I (was)engaged in human resources management, in charge of training and human resources information, and help（加ed） my manager to（to最好去掉，因为习惯上是接受没to的，有to可能被认为错误） do some auxiliary(改为assistant)，是助理工作不是附属工作吧） work.

College students of the times, made a number of part-time design(改为In my schooltime, I did some part-time jobs as a designer),(豆号改为句号)
because（去掉because,因为because和so只能用一个，并且在此去掉because比去so来得好） my profession is(改为was) multimedia design, so I worked for(改为in) some advertising agencies to design(to design改为designing) picture album.

Graduation is approaching that time（Graduation was drawing on, draw on有“渐渐近”的意思，毕业当然不可能是今天