UC知道哪位大哥大姐帮忙改改雅思作文吧...
来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/27 07:35:20
这能上6么？
Popular events like football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
ESSAY:
Nowadays, sports events, such as Olympic Games, become more and more popular, while people enjoy watching the exciting games. Some people, even sociologists, suppose that it is a significant way to ease international tensions or to release patriotic emotions. However, they ignore the essential meaning of sports, the spirit of friendship, not politics.
Ironically, as some people think that the worldwide puzzles could be tackled through sports events, there are some tensions or even battles causing by even a normal match. For example, a battle, between two South American countries, lasted more than a few years just because of a football match for the loser suppose that the judgment had been unf
Popular events like football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
ESSAY:
Nowadays, sports events, such as Olympic Games, become more and more popular, while people enjoy watching the exciting games. Some people, even sociologists, suppose that it is a significant way to ease international tensions or to release patriotic emotions. However, they ignore the essential meaning of sports, the spirit of friendship, not politics.
Ironically, as some people think that the worldwide puzzles could be tackled through sports events, there are some tensions or even battles causing by even a normal match. For example, a battle, between two South American countries, lasted more than a few years just because of a football match for the loser suppose that the judgment had been unf
6分吧。你是有话可说，这很好。文章结构把握也不错，缺点可能是让步是不是太少了？而且驾驭语言的能力稍微不足。
一是连词在英文里比汉语要显得重要，有时候舍去不恰当，比如However, they ignore the essential meaning of sports, the spirit of friendship, not politics.不如改成However, they ignore the essential meaning of sports, which is the spirit of friendship, but not politics.
二是对于不确定的事实不要轻易肯定，老外注重事实的。比如你说As we know, there were much violence during each football World Cup, some fans were injured even death, while some others were arrested. 事实真的是这样吗？不是的。
第三尽量避免重复使用单词，句子。比如The hosts prefer to show how friendly they are to the world. 和最后一段To sum up, sports events are the best way for host to show friendly to the world短时间里用了两次差不多的东西。给判官没有词汇量的印象。可以一个show用signify或者exprss代替，一个friendly可以用goodwill等来表示。
KEEP TRYING ！