谁能把这篇英语作文改得有深度些? 急！

来源：百度知道 编辑：UC知道 时间：2024/05/26 23:00:58
Hello! Everyone! My Chinese name is Chen Kaiyan. And My English name is Melody. I was born on April 24th,1996.I am a girl of 13 years old. I am a student in junior 2 of Jiangmen No.2 Middle School. I like shopping, listening to music and playing computer games. My favourite subject is English. My idol is Super Junior from Korea. I like Korean culture very much. I have always wanted to visit Korea. And I like to eat chocolate very much.

改得像高中作文..
我觉得我写得太幼稚了.
我要用来参加演讲..
要快哦..
谢谢..
快快快啊！
各位英语高手..帮帮忙吧..

Hello! Everyone! I am Chen Kaiyan ,you can also call me Melody as well. I am a girl of 13 years old ,who was born on April 24th,1996. I am educated in junior 2 of Jiangmen No.2 Middle School. I am fond of listening to music as well as playing computer games.Although it is bad to eat too much chocalate, I like doing so. My favourite subject is English. Super Junior from Korea is the band which I am crazy for .Since I like Korean culture very much,I am looking forward to visiting Korea some day.

Hi guys, I am Chen Kaiyan, you can also call me Melody if you wanna. My birthday is 24th of April in 1996, which means I am thirteen right now(我天啊，比我都小，你上高中几年？我上9年) I study in Junior 2 of Jiangmen No2 Middle school. I am crazy for shopping, music, computer games and etc. You know, those are what people in my age commonly like. My favorite subject is English which will be a tool for me to communicate in the future time. I am getting fanatical for Super Junior who are best Korean ba